Flasz On Film

5000 Space Aliens opens with a handful of informative title cards intended to let you know that there are currently five thousand space aliens alive on planet Earth and that the filmmakers managed to obtain footage showing them. However, in the interest of public safety, they decided to only show each of the five thousand space aliens currently residing on Earth for one second.  

So, let’s do some maths, shall we? If we show each of the space aliens for exactly one second, then we are naturally committing ourselves to doing so for five thousand seconds. Divide by sixty and you get eighty-three minutes and twenty seconds.  

Now, examine the total running time of the film, which is eighty-six minutes and one second. The opening title cards and studio acknowledgements take up seventy-three seconds at the front of the film and the closing credits take up eighty-eight seconds. Add the two numbers together and subtract from the total running time of the film and you get – you guessed it – eighty-three minutes and twenty seconds. Five thousand seconds.  

Therefore, if you are wondering what 5000 Space Aliens might be about, the proof is in the numbers and the title cards frontloading the picture advertise exactly what you are about to be subjected to – five thousand one-second shots of the titular space aliens. In practice, what this amounts to is eighty-three minutes of colourful Warhol-esque animation, stock footage, filters and special effects set to propulsive music and if you can find even fifteen seconds of footage in a trailer somewhere online ahead of spending money on procuring this film, you will find out exactly – not a shadow of a doubt – what this movie will have in store for you. You see a minute of it, you will have seen it all. 

Well, I might be getting ahead of myself. 5000 Space Aliens is not a movie. You don’t make popcorn and settle down on your sofa with your family to put it on, unless you are an absolute sociopath or some kind of a highfalutin arthouse snob trying to “teach” your loved ones about what real cinema is, or something. There isn’t a narrative in here to follow, or a story to be told. In fact, the filmmakers make sure to inform those who think about giving 5000 Space Aliens a whirl. Instead, they advertise it as an experience. A ride. And I honestly think this is how you should prep yourself for it.  

This, however, engenders an intriguing question because how exactly are you supposed to interact with a movie which isn’t a movie, and which even openly lets you know it isn’t one either? I can only advise you abandon your typical modus operandi because receiving 5000 Space Aliens is just not the same as watching Oppenheimer. It’s more of an artistic installation than a film and therefore adjustments need to be made. Sure, you may have seen a bunch of experimental features before, especially if you have attended a film festival or two, but most often you’ll find that such works are most typically contained in a short format. Hence, you can interact with a collage of visuals set to music for ten or twenty minutes in an intellectual manner. You are perfectly able to maintain your rational reasoning for short periods of time and then immediately proceed to pass judgment on what you thought about what you saw.  

This is impossible here. Even if you try, you will – and this is non-negotiable – run out of steam eventually and eventually your focus will wander, and your intellect will proceed to effectively shut down. Thus, you shall cease to watch 5000 Space Aliens and you shall begin to meditate in its presence. What this meditation will amount to and how it will enhance or detract from your life experience is extremely personal, so I feel it would be inappropriate for me to comment on this in more detail. However, it is at least one of the two viable ways I could see this film be deployed by a consumer. You can treat it as a legal narcotic that shall entrance you for eighty-three minutes and twenty seconds, but I can’t tell you what your high will look like. You might see a dragon. You might revisit your childhood trauma. You might have an out-of-body experience. You might fall asleep. All options are on the table. But you won’t learn anything about the world. You won’t meet any new characters, other than those your imagination conjures as you depart the real world into the universe of your personal psychedelic trip. 

But at this point you probably understand this is what the filmmakers intended.  

So, you can use 5000 Space Aliens to get high in front of your TV by watching painstakingly crafted animated jingles and bits of stock footage filtered through an array of aftereffects. That’s one option. Another one is to use this film the way many other artistic installations are used in museums and galleries. Project it on a wall or show it on the biggest screen you can get your hands on and maybe even use it as a great background feature to your New Year’s Eve party. The ambiance you shall engineer will be second to none.  

In summary, before committing your precious time to watching eighty-three minutes and twenty seconds of collage melding stock footage and animation in a way reminiscent of Andy Warhol and Monty Python-esque interludes, make sure you are either gearing up to get high on your sofa without breaking the law, or that you require a great background art for your house party. If neither of the two options apply to you, feel free to find literally anything else to watch.