Flasz On Film

A lot has been said – and I do really mean a lot – about the many ways in which the multiple changes George Lucas had made to the original Star Wars movies produced nothing but anger and strife. In fact, if we were to follow the logic of the movies, George Lucas behaved like a Sith lord trying to convert the masses to the Dark Side of The Force by having them give in to their anger and hate.  

I’ve certainly added a few spoons of vitriol over the years into what is effectively an endless ocean of disappointment vocalized predominantly by longstanding fans of these movies. However, as much as I have always wished that one day I’d see these movies officially “despecialized” and remastered without alterations – exactly as I remember watching them in my salad days – it is only now that I realized something profoundly sad. That by removing the possibility of watching these movies in their original state, George Lucas has left whole new generations cornered, without even a semblance of choice. For anyone who’d wish to introduce their kids to Star Wars, there is no alternative. You have to watch the only version available. Effectively, the original and unaltered versions of these movies do not exist at all for anyone starting their journey in the galaxy far, far away. And that’s a problem. 

Earlier this week, my daughter who is just about coming up to turn ten in a few weeks’ time, expressed an interest in seeing Star Wars. She has her reasons and I think a good chunk of it is due to the fact some of her friends in school are into them and she’s genuinely curious. I jumped at this opportunity – as you’d expect – and we promptly sat down to begin our journey. I didn’t think too hard about where to start, because for me it was blatantly obvious. You start with the original. Which is what we did.  

And we almost immediately began with a question. Why are we starting with Episode 4? Am I even qualified to put a Blu-Ray in the player? My competence as a Star Wars fan was put on trial, though at least on this occasion I was able to defend my honour by simply stating that the movie was originally called just Star Wars but because it became such a big success, the people who made it thought they could tell more stories in this world and that some of those stories would take place before the film we were watching. She bought it. Phew!  

At this point, I also decided to keep to myself the collected knowledge and accumulated anger about how this series used to look different and that a bunch of scenes were added or altered over the years. I kept it quiet even though every time I see the vistas of Mos Eisley all rendered in 90s-quality CGI or when I see Jabba the Hutt speak to Han Solo in the hangar, I have to swallow the acrid-tasting sick coming up from my stomach and put on a brave face. I made an executive decision to keep this long history of changes and fan hate to myself and just pretended these movies have always been like this, hoping that one day she’d find out organically from her friends in school or maybe she’d come across an article online detailing some of this… I effectively applied the Santa rule to Star Wars. She now lives in a blissful lie and I’m happy her interaction with this series is as innocent, because once she finds out, it’ll no longer be the same. 

Fortunately, she didn’t have any objections to what she was seeing. In fact, she loved Star Wars, had her mind blown at the reveal that Darth Vader was Luke’s father in The Empire Strikes Back and cheered on Leia and Han as they were coming to terms with their love for one another. I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the ride with her, especially because she clearly didn’t mind the CGI cut-ins, the changes, the upgrades and she did not give one toss about whether Greedo shot first or not.  

However, when we finally got to the end of the trilogy, she kind of lost her nerve. After the stunning character reversal seeing Vader turn away from the Dark Side and the newly built Death Star blown to smithereens by Lando Calrissian, we got to see Vader’s funeral pyre – itself a powerful image – directly cutting into the infamous scene where Sebastian Shaw got replaced by Hayden Christensen as Anakin’s Force Ghost.  

“Who’s this guy?”  

She looked to me for answers, visibly discombobulated. She just saw Shaw’s face as Vader removed his mask, though covered in make-up and allegedly touched up with CGI to look a bit more like Christensen anyway and suddenly, a young guy turns up instead of Luke’s dad, smiling and all. What was I supposed to say? 

“Oh, it’s Anakin. But it’s from before he turned to the Dark Side.” I guess it would have to do. 

“But he’s young. Obi-Wan looks older than before. Why?” 

Cursed child and her inquisitive skills. I had no answer to that. Checkmate.  

“I don’t know,” I said. “We’ll watch the Prequel Trilogy, and it might make more sense.” 

But it won’t make any more sense, will it? I know this has been beaten to death, but to remove Sebastian Shaw and insert Hayden Christensen in his place was not only disrespectful to Shaw but profoundly illogical. At this point, I asked myself if it is even possible to show anyone Star Wars movies in an order which both makes sense, and which preserves the magic of the series. 

It is impossible.  

I can’t start with the prequels and go from there because then I would deny my daughter the shock of learning that Vader is Luke’s father, and that Leia and Luke are twins. This would be a crime against humanity as far as I’m concerned. I always thought that watching these movies in order of their release was the only way to go. And it would have been, if it hadn’t been for Hayden Christensen and his stupid smile at the end of Return of the Jedi.  

Well, then? Tell me, George, if you so please, how do you think one should watch your movies with all their alterations? And how should I introduce my kid to them in a way that wouldn’t be confusing or otherwise detracting from the experience? Any ideas? 

One strategy I have seen people deploy is to treat the Prequel Trilogy as an extended flashback. Thus, after finishing Empire, instead of proceeding to Jedi, you squeeze in the prequels, thus providing some backstory to Vader. However, you still agree to remove the shock of learning that Leia and Luke are related as it was originally intended. Moreover, you must effectively bottle your own intrinsic momentum driving you to find out what happens next, especially given the fact that Empire ending is completely unresolved and begging for some sort of relief.  

I suppose, if you were to do that and include the prequels as a flashback, you could axe The Phantom Menace in what some call “the machete strategy”, so you’d have to only take a break for two movies, not three. But the problem persists. The Original Trilogy was not intended to be watched with breaks in between episodes, but it is frankly impossible to watch it unsupervised (especially as a child) without some of these alterations confusing you completely, or without forcing me to sit down and tell my lovely daughter all about the long and bloody history of how George Lucas spent decades ruining his own masterwork with these ad hoc changes, which is why the ending is so confusing.  

But if I must do that, then I can just as well tell her that Santa is fake, too. After all, I could kill two birds with one stone and completely remove magic from her life at this point.

Thanks, George. You have just ruined Christmas.